Here's a little confession -- over the
past several years, I've counseled and
coached THOUSANDS of women who had
problems with their love life.
And you know what?
I think half of the women I've talked to
have asked me that one burning question:
"Why did he leave me?"
That's a great question, and we'll be
talking about it at length in today's
newsletter.
In fact, we'll be talking about two of
the main problems men have with
commitment -- and then we'll talk about
two things that WE WOMEN do that
accidentally drive men away!
Ready? Let's get started with Reason #1.
Oh, and feel free to make notes -- the
lessons you'll learn in today's
newsletter are some of the most
important you'll ever get!
REASON #1 - THEY HAVEN'T GOTTEN OVER A
PAST RELATIONSHIP YET
One of my clients, RL, once had a
boyfriend who seemed to SPACE OUT a lot
in their relationship.
It didn't seem to matter what they were
doing -- they could be talking, having
lunch somewhere, or even when they were
making love -- the guy simply lost focus
and became listless often.
Later on, after much prodding, RL
realized that her boyfriend was actually
still obsessing over a past relationship
that didn't work out.
It was apparently a great relationship
that didn't work out simply because of
some stupid mistake -- and he felt
really bad about it.
Naturally, RL kept trying to help him.
He asked him to tell her more about that
failed relationship, thinking that
talking would help him sort his feelings
out.
Unfortunately, RL's persistence
backfired on her -- and her boyfriend,
tired of the pressure, eventually left
her.
When a guy hasn't gotten over a past
relationship yet, there's very little
you can directly do to him that will
make him forget it and focus on you.
You'll need a much different approach --
something we'll talk about at the end of
this newsletter.
For now, let's move on to Reason #2:
REASON #2 - THEY WEREN'T EMOTIONALLY
AVAILABLE IN THE FIRST PLACE
It's a sad statistic, but 80-90% of the
single men you meet aren't ready or
willing (or both) to handle a serious
relationship.
That's why shortly after the
relationship starts, things go downhill
and end in a break-up. These men weren't
suited to handle a big commitment to
begin with!
Men who fall into this category include
players and guys who prioritize work
over relationships.
It's too bad, but there are a lot of
single men out there who "could have
been" great boyfriends -- it's just that
their hearts and minds weren't ready for
you at the time!
Again, there's little you can do
DIRECTLY to change the minds of these
men.
Even if you did manage to get them to
commit to a relationship with you, it's
often only a matter of time before they
fall out of love with you.
UNLESS, of course, you take the RIGHT
approach!
The right approach can awaken the "REAL
MAN" in even the most
emotionally-unavailable men in the
world.
I'll talk more about this "right
approach" later -- after we talk about
two more VERY IMPORTANT reasons why guys
leave the women they love.
Let's move on to Reason #3:
REASON #3 - THEY'RE NOT HAVING FUN
In the first two reasons, we talked
about the two biggest problems that men
have about commitment, and how they keep
them from staying in a relationship with
you, no matter how good you think the
relationship may be going.
And if you've noticed, I mentioned in
the first two reasons that trying to
DIRECTLY change his mind -- such as by
trying to make him talk about the
problem, or trying to force him to
commit to you, or by criticizing, or by
arguing, or by begging, or WHATEVER...
...it DOESN'T work!
It's easy to think you're doing the
right thing -- after all, the best way
to solve a problem is by taking a
scientific, logical, step-by-step
process to solve it, right?
Wrong!
This is the dating game, after all --
and it's a game that's ruled by love.
And love, after all, doesn't follow the
rules of logic!
When you try to approach your
relationship problems in this manner,
you're simply taking the focus AWAY from
the relationship and putting it ONTO the
problem.
And, as I keep saying, what you focus on
GROWS!
And as the problem keeps getting bigger
and bigger, the relationship becomes
less and less fun for him.
And when he's in a relationship that's
not fun, he'll inevitably start looking
for his enjoyment elsewhere.
It's often that simple -- which is why I
believe this is the biggest reason why
so many guys leave the women they love.
REASON #4 - TRYING TO FIX THE
RELATIONSHIP THE WRONG WAY
So here's my advice -- don't focus on
the problem. Focus on the relationship!
RL, the client I mentioned in Reason #1,
tried to fix it -- but focused too much
on the problem. In other words, she
tried to fix the relationship in the
wrong way.
And it doesn't matter how good your
intentions were -- if you try to fix the
relationship the wrong way, then bad
things happen.
Do you know why he doesn't like talking
about the problems in your relationship?
It's simply because he's a guy -- and
his pride is hinged on the health and
happiness of the relationship he's
leading.
And when you talk about any problems,
you're basically indicating that he's
not doing too well of a job!
That's why guys don't like talking about
the problems.
And that's why, when you ask them if
anything's bothering them, they just
say, "Nothing, I'm fine" -- even if
they're really troubled.
SO WHAT'S THE RIGHT WAY?
Ladies, let's face it -- there are some
relationship problems that you can fix,
and then there are some you can't.
And sometimes, you really don't have a
choice but to let him go.
But guess what? That's not really a bad
thing!
RL, my client, approached me after her
boyfriend left her to pursue his
ex-girlfriend.
I coached RL through the next five
months or so, telling her to stop
focusing on the failed break-up and
instead focus on OTHER aspects of her
life.
I also taught her how to correctly deal
with the times when her ex-boyfriend
tried to get in touch with her.
And guess what? Five months after the
break-up, the guy came back to her!
It turned out that he simply needed a
bit of closure in his past relationship
-- and he simply realized that, after
seeing what's "out there," it was RL who
he really loved. Aww... how sweet!
